


Idle Threats

by asimplewalk



Series: Prompt Jar [11]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gen, creative violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 22:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3666987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asimplewalk/pseuds/asimplewalk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy Lewis and Pietro Maximoff are great at being a couple. If you squint. Otherwise, they seem determined to frustrate and murder one another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Idle Threats

**Author's Note:**

> Got a request in my tumblr askbox for cute Pietro/Darcy but doing the couple-that-argues thing. So, here, anon. Have yourself a thing.
> 
> Unbeta'd, plot and mistakes mine, respective recognizable properties not mine.

That first night had proved a lot of things. Pietro enjoyed sex, Darcy could run her mouth unstoppably (bar being pounded into a mattress or gagged), and everyone really supported the idea of the two getting together.

Except now everyone was regretting the two getting together.

The two were private about their sex life, unless trying to out-creep the Hot-Booty Grandpas (and wasn’t _that_ and uncomfortable game for everyone else to witness). It wasn’t the sex they were having. It wasn’t the soft way Pietro acted when they were curled up together for movies or news reels or because he was trying to diffuse Darcy’s ire after everything else had failed. It wasn’t Darcy’s snark, her ability to focus even more terrifyingly on her job as the PR manager of a Superhero Team and Friend-and-Family Plan (and the Science!Division of Stark Industries therein). It wasn’t even the particularly frustrating shmoopsy way Darcy had insisted they start bonding as a team over breakfast Mondays, or the way she spent Thursday night making cookies now.

No, everyone was regretting it, because the two were a seemingly unstoppable hot mess.

“I swear on the Grail that I am going to kick you into traffic the next time we are out.” Darcy flings an almond at the white-haired man that is cackling on the other side of the room. In a blink of movement, he’s not only caught the nut in his mouth, but speeds around the room to poke her again to elicit a shriek of indignation and more flailing.

“You could threaten to stop sharing my bed and I would not be persuaded.” Pietro is sitting on the stool on the other end of the kitchen island. Darcy doesn’t bother to look up at his smirking face.

“Or you can stop poking me and I can stop threatening you.” She says it casually, her pen streaking across the pages of a document that she is working her way through. She reaches for the bag of trail mix and lets out a low, frustrated noise before dropping her head to the countertop. “One of you restrain him so I can taze his nuts.”

The group gathered in the open sitting area in Tony’s penthouse are mostly ignoring the ridiculous proceedings of the couple’s afternoon. “Nah, you seem to have it plenty under control.” Bucky, being almost as much of a shit as Steve is, isn’t going to help, but is actually still enjoying the show he’s getting. He’d once called them better than the picture programs.

“Resorting to begging assistance? That’s a shame, femeie dragă, I can do this all day. And look at you already growing tired.” He tosses a raisin from the bag of mix at her before taking a handful to munch from.

“You know what, You’re not allowed to have brownies when I make any later. None of you are.” Darcy gets back to work, simply eating the flung piece of food while her neat, meticulous handwriting scrawls across the pages of forms and documents.  
“Oh no. That’s it, Pietro, stop. I was looking forward to those.” Sam gripes at the other man. “Darcy, how about we go crash my Mom’s kitchen? We can bake over there.” Sam’s got pleading eyes and a quivering lip.

“We’re seran-wrapping the doors and windows, though.” She’s resolutely not looking up.

“What is that supposed to do?” Bucky’s got his phone out now, and is clearly googling the concept.

“Will let me know if he tries to get in, but nicer than razor wire at six inch intervals. No matter how tempting that is.” She’d been smart enough to put her tea tumbler between her knees when her boyfriend had started on the frustrating campaign to annoy the shit out of her.

“Come now, love. I am trying to cheer you. You seem to be having a terrible day.” Pietro tosses an M&M so that it lands on the paperwork.

Darcy eats it and looks squarely at him. “That’s because you are pissing me off trying to be cute while I do my breadwinning. Not all of us are world-saving heros.” 

“Are you really so upset by a little fun?” His teasing tone makes Darcy snap.

She collects her papers, neatly organizes her purse, marches with everything collected and clutched to her chest in one arm, orange glass tumbler clutched in hand, marches over to the man and snatches her bag of snacks. She ignores the low whistles of surprise from the others as she stalks to the elevator and actually punches the button. “Jarvis, Tony’s got Anti-Speedy protocols in the basement lab, right?” 

“ _Yes, Miss Lewis. Should I inform Sir that you are on your way to spend the afternoon there?_ ” The AI is incredibly fond of her, it would seem. She, like Pepper, had a hell of a hold on the others around her, and the situation as she needed to.

“Yeah, I’m going to finish this garbage up and spend a few hours being a Helper Minion again.” The elevator doors close in front of her once she’s standing in the middle of the lift car.

“Dude, you fucked _up_.” Clint’s watching the man with concerned eyes.  
Pietro just leans back in the chair with a smirk and throws the last cashew across the room for the archer. Before Clint can catch it, there’s a blur of blue and white, and not only is Pietro gone, but so is the nut. “Aww, food, no.”

Darcy is curled under the table that she had found Tony under when Chipotle had struck him down in the middle of the night a few months before. Tony is, coincidentally, sitting on the outside, facing her, but tapping away at a hologram that JARVIS is projecting onto the floor before them and a few in the air.  
“You are way too good at scrabble. This is getting ridiculous.” The genius is carefully working on a few alterations for the Hulk Buster with the data that he and Bruce had gotten back from the previously wrecked servers. It’s Darcy’s turn.

“Well, that’s only because I wasn’t allowed to play Hold ‘Em or Gin with the grandparents, and I grew up with them, ya know? No gambling.” She’s rearranging tiles on her rack while she contemplates the board.

“Aren’t you Catholic?” The man’s words rumble out as a laugh. “I thought they gambled.”

“Some do. They are hella strict though. Protective of the little baby they had after all the shenanigans that my parents got up to.” She lays down a tile to connect two words, and get a triple word score. “Boomstick.”

“JARVIS that’s made up. Why would you let her do that?”

“ _It’s a popular term for a gun, used across moving-picture media and literature._ ”

“And look at that, you used schmoop, so it stays.” Darcy’s got a wild grin on her face. She pulls open the hologram of the twitter feed, types in a curious search for a hashtag and laughs.

“What are you so amused by, because it’s my turn and I could be wrecking your little plan.” He plays off of ‘zoo’ to get ‘zephyr’ and crows.

“Because your protocols suck and my boyfriend has been feeding me your letters this whole game, the public knows your spy and vocabulary game are weak, and because ‘#SparkAndLightning’ and ‘#SlowMoStark’ are trending.”

“I’m not making you a new tea tumbler out of gorilla glass, you treacherous bitch. And seriously, McFly, you’re going to help her cheat?” He’s got the most affronted, pained look on his face. Even his neatly trimmed beard is pouting.

“Of course. I had to make up for being a miserable thorn in her side somehow.”

“Then next time, stop and offer to go buy me a milkshake with espresso in it.” She considered the board again for a moment before adding three letters to the end of her opponent’s last play. “Zephyrous. Eat it, Anthony.”

“That’s my job.” The pitiful little grumble from Pietro made the other two laugh.

“That’s the sort of garbage I expected from you two, not her threatening to drag you to Arizona to pack an entire Saguaro into your rectum because you wouldn’t stop playing with her toes during the movie last night.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, look, I turned around a speedy prompt (get it?)! I tried doing more bit it wasn't working to fit the prompt right. Cut it back down to this. Tada!
> 
> You can always come on over to howl at me (or send more prompts) over on [tumblr](http://www.crownsandashes.tumblr.com/).


End file.
